The world is big
And I am so small,
but no one will notice
this matters at all.
and pushed me around
Stepped on my heart
and ground me down
Inside I shook,
frazzled, and frowned.
But on the outside
no fear could be found,
because on my face
I had put on my brave
You really should try it
for others will rave!
No one could tell
that I even cared,
And I got kudos
for how well I fared.
But at the end of the day
I was alone with my scared.
And when I awoke
my scared was still there
it stayed and it grew
buried under my hair,
inside my skull
where no one could see
my terror, my tremor,
my “oh no, not me!”
***
And then our team lost
even though I played well
I got pushed down,
and I wanted to yell!
Everyone said
how grown up I seem
how good it is
to be ‘part of the team’
But all I wanted
was to let out a scream!
Yet no one knew,
and for that I was proud
for my performance,
others praised me aloud.
But inside I wondered
if I was just bad
Because really inside,
I was still alone with my mad.
And then, would you believe
my toast fell butter-side down?
My favorite shoes
could not be found,
and my best friend moved
to the far side of town!
But at the end of the day,
it wasn’t so bad
Except late that night
I was alone with my sad.
And when I awoke
my sad was still bad,
it grew heavy and dark,
down near my heart
and all of these feelings
nearly tore me apart.
There was no one to tell me:
there was no one to blame
Then my sad, mad, and scared
turned into my shame.
My shame stayed there,
stuck there,
day after day
I ignored it
I fought it
I said, “you must go away!”
but like gum on your shoe
it intended to stay.
My shame turned to pain
and it rotted my brain
and my heart became concrete
and the shame,
a deep stain.
And I wandered alone like this
year after year
losing friends and loved ones
to my anger and fear.
Until one day you noticed
I was alone with my shame
and asked if I wondered
if I was to blame?
I looked down
and then sideways
my tin jaw all rusted
I couldn’t believe I was finally busted?!
You asked if I ever felt
“scared, angry or blue?”
and you told me you wondered
because you often did, too!
Then the secret came out,
one I never suspected:
that these feelings, the tough ones,
get toxic, infected.
They flourish and fester
and really grow best
in the dark of our mind
all alone in our chest.
So from this day on,
when I have a bad day
or someone is mean
and won’t let me play,
I tell someone about it,
my mad, sad, or scared.
I know if I share it
It might not be o.k. —
But I won’t have to pretend
or hide it away.
So next time I notice
my feelings a-fluster
I’ll remember I can,
if I just find the muster,
I can share it with someone
a pal or a teacher
someone who loves me
or a kind, furry creature.
Please remind me of this
and tell others too!
Don’t let them hide how they
feel angry or blue.
Tell them my story
and how poorly I fared
when I stayed all alone,
all alone with my scared.
Copyright 2010
Michelle Bohls
Michelle Miller Bohls is a psychotherapist living in Austin, Texas with her intuitive husband and intuitive son.
If you want to read more, please subscribe to this blog or check out www.anintuitivemind.com
Look for Michelle’s upcoming book, “The Owner’s Manual for An Intuitive Mind: Thriving as an Intuitive in a World Biased for the Logical and Linear.”
A Wanderer 